


Just the 2 of Us

by telliefan (captainamergirl)



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: F/M, Unconventional Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6869665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/telliefan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shannon McBain and Riley Colson... finding their way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Part 1**  
  
 _New York City, NY_  
  
Seven months and counting. That's how long they had been together. It's also the longest she had been committed to anyone in her life, her longest span of monogamy, and she knew she was truly in love for the first time. How did she know it was real this time? Because she felt it in her gut. Because she was sure he loved her back in his own way. Even if she did still catch him thinking about the other woman. She could always tell when he was thinking about Her because he got that certain look on his stubbly face - a dreamy look and then a pained expression when he crashed back down to earth and realized, yes, She really was gone.   
  
Shannon McBain knew she was loved but she also knew she was competing with a ghost and a memory that she could never live up to.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
She comes home bursting with the news that she's expecting his baby. The one thing that will ultimately keep them together forever in her mind. Jennifer never gave him this kind of gift, she couldn't have because she wasn't Shannon and she was dead.   
  
Although apparently not in his mind because Shannon finds him asleep on their lumpy, ragtag sofa with a picture of the other woman resting lightly in his clasped fist.  
  
Shannon immediately wants to throw something, hit something, destroy something because that's what she does best. Destroy and rip everything apart. It's all she really knows.  
  
Instead she settles for bursting into tears and hurrying into their room where she starts to pack her bags. She should have known she couldn't measure up to the other woman's memory and that she never would.  
  
He finally hears her sobs and rushes into the room, sleep boogers still in his eyes. "Shan? What's wrong, honey?" His piercing, beautiful baby blues alight with worry for her. That should comfort Shannon but it doesn't. Somehow it leaves her feeling colder and emptier than before.  
  
"I'm leaving," she answers in as calm a voice as she can manage.  
  
"Leaving?"   
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"Why, Shan?"  
  
"This! This is why!" Shannon shouts as she rips the picture from his pocket where he had just apparently stowed it before walking into the room. "Jennifer Rappaport. I couldn't compete with her in life and I can't even compete with her now that she's six feet under. I am not going to play second fiddle or something to a damn memory!"  
  
He looks caught between being angry and hurt and settles for saying, "So that's it? You're leaving me because I have a picture of her in my pocket?"   
  
She flings the picture at him. "That's not it. It's the fact that it's never going to be just the two of us - it's always going to you, me and Her. And I can't take it anymore. I won't!"  
  
He reaches for her arm as she breezes past him but she twists free from his grasp. "Shannon, at least tell me where you're going."  
  
"None of your damn business," she snaps and then she has fled the apartment in tears, trying to blame in on hormones and the baby Riley Colson doesn't even know exists.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**  
  
 _Seven and a half months earlier..._  
  
She walks into the club, head held high, instantly soaking up the attention she is getting from all the guys and even some of the girls in here. She looks like a million bucks in her short black party dress and she knows it. She is with her current best friend of about five minutes named Sam something.  
  
There is a band war tonight at this mid-scale club and since she has nothing better to do and no one currently to do, she decided to come along with Sam.  
  
She shimmies into a seat at the bar and right away guys drift over to her and Sam wanting to buy them drinks. They agree to the drinks though the guys will not even get to first base because they are all so sinfully ugly. Still, she is having a good time in spite of it all. It feels like she hasn't cut loose in such a long time.  
  
How shocked she is when halfway through the band war, the host announces Midnight Logic will be playing. _**The** Midnight Logic,_ she wonders. _As in, podunk Llanview PA's answer to Pearl Jam?_  
  
Sure enough all the old gang minus Flash or Lightening whatever her name was appears on stage. Her eyes are soon riveted though to Riley Colson alone. Not just because he's cute as ever but because he still commands the room in his quiet, unassuming way and he still sings in such a way that a girl gets a bit wet just listening to his smooth, sultry voice.  
  
When their set is over and they walk into the main area of the club, she finds herself moving over to Riley. "Not bad," she says by way of greeting and his eyes flick over her for a moment before moving up to meet and hold hers.  
  
"Shannon McBain?"  
  
"Is there any other?" She asks with a flip of her hair.  
  
"What are you doing in New York City, besides knowing you, making trouble?"  
  
"Seems like you think you have me all figured out."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Buy me a drink and you can try to analyze me some more."  
  
"I don't think that's such a good idea ..."  
  
"Why? You're taken? Is one of these many ugly women here yours? Or have you gone guy on guy?"  
  
He smiles in spite of himself. "Oh how I have missed that oh-so-charming wit of yours, Shannon."  
  
"I would have missed it too if I were you," she says. "So, you, me, margaritas at the bar?"  
  
"I'm actually getting straight again."  
  
"Okay then you can watch me drink," she says with a wide grin.  
  
He smirks. "How can I say 'no' to that?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

_Back in present time_  
  
"Hey, it's me," she says.  
  
John can hear the tears clogging the back of her throat even from the other end of the line. She was always like him in that way - unwilling to show her pain, to come apart, to give into any emotion that might be attributed in any way to weakness.   
  
"Hey, cuz," he answers back. "Long time, no call. What's up? Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah I'm uh ... Well, I don't ... I can't really talk about it right now. I just wanted you to know I'm in Llanview right now. At the train station actually. Do you think your long-lost cousin could possibly bum a ride from you?"  
  
He smiles in spite of himself. "Already on my way," he says. "See you in five."  
  
XoXoXo  
  
John finds her sitting by herself on a bench inside the station, absent-mindedly picking at her clearly expensive nail job. He knows she must be in a really bad place to destroy her pretty, perfect nails that way.  
  
"Hey, cuz," he says to catch her attention. She looks up and smiles at him but the smile doesn't really light up her almond eyes. He drops down beside her and despite both of their reservations about it; he pulls her into his arms. "You can talk to me about anything. I'm a good listener."  
  
"There's nothing to talk about," Shannon says even as she droops her head on his shoulder; clearly she's more exhausted than he could have ever guessed.   
  
"C'mon. You haven't come around here in years. As much as I would love to believe you're here for a nice, long vacation, I know you a bit better than that."  
  
"Yeah. I guess you do. You always knew what I was feeling when no one else could figure it out ..." Shannon sniffled but held her well of tears back as best as she could. "John, I did something really stupid."  
  
"Oh?" He said. That's all he could say. He waited for her to fill him in. He was thinking she was in legal trouble or something and that's why she had come to see him now. But he was surprised by what she actually said. He should have known better...  
  
"Yeah, oh. I am so stupid. I let this guy steal my heart. I fell like, head over heels for him - the way you only see in those cheesy rom-coms... And - and he doesn't love me like I hoped he would. How stupid could I be? After my horrible track record with guys, I should have honestly guessed everything would go south this fast. But I love him John and he loves someone else. He stole my heart and he threw it back in my face. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't even really care that I left ..."  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Back in the city, Riley had spent a completely sleepless night calling every friend of Shannon's - and every one of her ex-friends, too - that he could think of, asking if they knew where she was hiding out. They all claimed that they had not seen her. He felt panicked. Actually, he was downright terrified. He worried that she was gone too, gone like Jennifer before her. He had never recovered from that, finding out that his own father murdered his girlfriend with a plastic bag. It had devastated him, made him unwilling to move on for years. He had been alive only outwardly for so long and then just seven months ago, Shannon McBain had zipped back into his life and turned everything he had come to believe in on its ear.   
  
Shannon was a firecracker, a ball of heat, vitality, energy, and he had fallen for her almost against his will. He fell hard and fast. But he had also been unwilling to let go of the past; believing that if he held onto Shannon too tightly, she would only end up leaving him or worse. He had truly thought that he could cope, that he could even learn to accept it, if she were to leave him. He had tried to give her only just enough of his heart that it wouldn't burn him so badly, wouldn't hurt him so much, when she eventually was gone from his life.  
  
But he had been wrong again. Because he missed her already. Much more than he had ever thought was possible.


	4. Chapter 4

******Part 4**  
  
“You get the bed,” John said as he led Shannon into his small hotel room sometime later.  
  
“Thanks, John,” she replied. “For ... everything.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” he said sincerely. “You look tired. Maybe you should lie down now.”  
  
“Yeah probably.” She moved over to the bed and kicked off her high heels before peeling back the covers. “You didn’t like, leave your DNA all over the sheets, did you?”  
  
John blushed in spite of himself. “If it makes you feel more comfortable, I can call Roxy up to change the sheets but just know that it will take her at least an hour to get up here, another hour for her to chat us to death, and another hour to actually get the job done. Then another hour to get her to leave so...”  
  
Shannon held up a hand. “Never mind,” she said and finally slipped under the covers, still fully clothed in her day wear. She was asleep in no time.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Riley was running out of options and places to look for Shannon. Desperation consumed him until he was completely freaked out. Not too long ago he would just have dulled his pain in the bottom of a bottle but Shannon had helped him evolve - if not totally change - and he wasn’t going to hurt her anymore than he had by relapsing. He was just terrified that his stupidity had driven her away forever; that he had _lost_ her forever. A worse thought occurred to him: what if something truly awful had become of her? She had been MIA for a while now...  
  
He dropped down heavily on his sofa and rested his aching head in his hands. Tears of regret and pain came swiftly and soon he found himself neck-deep in an ocean of self-pity. He had ruined everything. He had broken Shannon and destroyed himself in the process.  
  
Only after he had finished pathetically crying did his mind clear enough to think to call one of her family members back in Llanview. He hated to do it especially if it meant he had to go back there, but he would do it for Shannon, to prove she was everything to him.  
  
He rifled around the apartment looking for one of her cousins’ phone numbers but couldn’t find it. He finally dialed information and a tired sounding woman answered, asking what he needed. He needed a lot of things - sanity, healing ... _Shannon_ most especially. But he just answered, “I need a phone number. John McBain in Llanview Pennsylvania please.”  
  
XoXoXo  
  
John was tossing and turning fitfully on the hard sofa but was very near to falling asleep when the phone suddenly rang, splitting the silence in the darkened room. He fumbled for the phone, hoping it wouldn’t wake up his cousin. He ended up knocking over a picture frame and a candle Roxy had given him to help “cleanse his aura”. He finally found the phone and put it to his ear.  
  
Grumpily he said, “Who’s calling?”  
  
“John,” a breathless yet vaguely familiar voice came over the line. “This is Riley Colson. I don’t know if you remember me but -”  
  
“Yeah, sure ... Why are you calling so late?” John asked.  
  
“I am looking for your cousin, Shannon. We had a big fight and -”  
  
“So you’re the big lug who broke her heart, huh?” John snapped before he could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to reveal that Shannon had been in contact with him. She probably wouldn’t want him to.  
  
“Then you’ve talked to her!” Riley said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Where is she? Is she with you?”  
  
John hemmed and hawwed thinking of what to say. “She’s ...”  
  
“John, please. Is she in Llanview right now? I want to talk to her. I’ll come there if necessary. I want to make things right.”  
  
“Maybe you can’t make things right,” John said gruffly.  
  
“Maybe not but I have to try, I want to try. I love Shannon. I really do. She got the wrong idea. I ... Well, she’s it for me.”  
  
“John, who’s on the phone?” Shannon’s groggy voice piped up in the background.  
  
John cringed and Riley fairly whooped in relief. “She is there! Thank god. Can I talk to her?"  
  
“Not right now, no."  
  
“Fine. I’ll come there then. Just please don’t tell her about this. I don’t want her to run again. Not before I have the chance to tell her how I really feel.”  
  
John sighed and debated what to do. But he figured that he would stay out of it. “Fine, whatever. Now good bye.” He then smacked down the phone.  
  
“John, who was that?” Shannon asked.  
  
“A wrong number,” John lied.  
  
“Oh okay...” Then silence blanketed the room again.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Shannon waited in bed until she was sure John was really asleep before crawling out from under the covers and padding down the hall to the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and turned on the faucet. Then, and only then, when she was sure John couldn’t hear her did she allow herself to cry again. She felt so pathetic but she had been hoping Riley would come for her, call for her even, but it seemed no such thing was going to happen.   
  
She buried her sobs as best as she could in her hands. She had briefly hoped that the sudden two a.m. phone call was from Riley but she realized that it wasn’t meant to be.   
  
_She and Riley were not meant to be._


	5. Chapter 5

**Part 5**  
  
As he drove down the tree-lined streets of Llanview the next morning, he was assaulted by memories that felt physically painful to him. He had a stomach ache and he longed for a bottle of pills to wash away the memories and the pain a long with it but he knew he couldn’t do that. Shannon needed him and he needed her. They belonged together. He really believed that. He had learned that loving someone was a risk but he was prepared to take that risk, provided Shannon would agree to take him back. She had been so angry at him when she stormed out a few days ago and he didn’t honestly blame her. He had held onto his pain and his grief for far too long.   
  
Driving along Main Street, he saw places he used to frequent with Jennifer and it made his heart clench in his chest. But there were memories of Shannon here too and maybe if he played his cards right, they could make a lot of new ones. He didn’t know if they would stay here or go back to the city or even if she would ever want to see his pathetic face ever again. He had to take a chance though. Without her, he was nothing. He loved her. He loved her so much.  
  
He pulled the car to a stop finally in front of the Angel Square Hotel and took a deep, steadying breath before he climbed out. He stuffed his keys into his pocket and picked up the bouquet of flowers he had picked up for Shannon at a mini-mart. It was a cheap gesture for sure, but he was at a loss for how else to break down the walls he had erected between them.  
  
He walked inside the motel and started for the elevator. “Hey, hey, you look familiar,” a scratchy feminine voice called after him.  
  
“Roxy Balsom,” Riley said as he turned around. “Long time no see.”  
  
“You’re not kidding,” Roxy said. “What have you been up to in the last few years?”  
  
“Trying to keep my head above water,” Riley said quietly. “How are you? How’s Rex?”  
  
“I am good. So is Rex. He is engaged to a woman named Gigi and they have a son. Things are going well for them.”  
  
Riley nodded. So Rex had moved on, huh? He had clearly loved Jennifer too. But was Riley the only one who had been stung by a crippling sense of inertia? Well it could change, it had to change. Today he was going to make sure that he stopped living in the past.  
  
“That’s good for him,” Riley said. “I gotta go upstairs now so …”  
  
“Oh yeah. Don’t let me keep ya,” Roxy said. “Who are you here to see anyway?”  
  
“Someone I really care about,” Riley answered and hurried onto the elevator before Roxy could ask more personal questions.  
  
He found John’s room easily enough by the number and soon was standing in front of the door. He took another deep breath and then raised his hand to knock. He tapped on the door twice and soon enough it was opened by a groggy-eyed John.  
  
“You’re here,” John said.  
  
“Yeah. Is Shannon still around?” Riley asked, peering over John’s shoulder. Just then he noticed Shannon walk into the front room and her eyes landed on him. They lit with a million different emotions before Shannon spoke.  
  
“Riley?”  
  
“Yeah, Shan, can we talk?”  
  
Shannon seemed to debate over what to do for a long moment but then she shook her head emphatically. “I have nothing to say to you, Riley Colson. Go to hell!” She then marched over to the door and slammed it with a resounding clatter in Riley's face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6**  
  
“Shannon, come on, open the door!” Shannon heard Riley calling her from the other side.  
  
John stared at Shannon. “You are going to have to face him sometime.”  
  
Shannon nodded. “Sure -- WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!” she practically screamed so that Riley could hear. She then turned back to John. “Arrest him for trespassing or something.”  
  
John shook his head. “Boy, you are hormonal…”  
  
“You have no idea!” Shannon hissed at her cousin.  
  
“Remind me to never get on your bad side…”  
  
“Yeah remember it. CAUSE ONCE YOU’RE ON MY SHIT LIST, YOU NEVER GET OFF IT!” she screamed again and John covered his ears.  
  
“Shan, please, baby!” Riley called again. “I know you’re mad and you have every right to be but –“  
  
She stomped back to the door and yanked it open. She saw his aqua eyes light with emotion at seeing her. She willed herself not to be moved by that. So he had pretty eyes... It didn't mean she could or would forgive him.  
  
“Damn right I am mad! I don’t need your permission to be so either so – so fuck off!” She then slammed the door again and bolted it this time.  
  
John shook his head. “Are you sure he doesn’t love you, Shannon? Cause from where I am standing, it seems that he really does.”  
  
“Don’t you dare take his side!” she hissed. “I have this –“ she picked up the morning newspaper and waved it around threateningly – “and I am not afraid to use it.”  
  
John held up a hand. “Okay, never mind. Forget I said anything. I will just get ready for work while you two crazy kids hash this out.” He then practically ran from the room and locked himself in the bathroom.  
  
“There is nothing to ‘hash’ out,” Shannon murmured and stalked around the apartment in circles, trying to tell herself how dumb it would be to open that door to Riley. He would say all the right things for now and just break her heart again later and she couldn’t allow it. She had another life to think about now. Her eyes pooled with tears. _His baby._ Riley’s baby. God. How could she have been so stupid to fall in love with a man who was so in love with the memory of his dead ex? Why couldn’t she let him go?  
  
She paced the floor so fast and for so long that she literally wore grooves into the carpet. When she could take the pacing no longer, she sprinted to the door and yanked it open. She would give him another chance. Just one more chance to get it right…  
  
But when she looked out into the hallway, he was gone. Completely gone. So much for wanting to patch things up. She would never forgive him now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 7**  
  
John emerged from the bathroom about thirty minutes later, showered and shaved. He took one look at Shannon lying curled up on the sofa looking so miserable, and shook his head. He moved over to her and touched her shoulder. “Hey, cuz,” he said but she didn’t move or turn to look at him.  
  
“So much for him loving me,” Shannon murmured. “He left as soon as he got the chance.”  
  
“I am sorry. When he called last night he seemed really sincere and –“ John’s eyes widened as Shannon bolted up on the sofa and she glared menacingly at him.  
  
“He was the one on the phone in the middle of the night and you lied to me?” Shannon snapped. “Why, John?! I could have saved all of us a lot of trouble if I had just told him to stay away.”  
  
“He wanted to surprise you, I guess …” John shrugged. “He seemed sincere.”  
  
“Yeah I thought so too for a moment there but then I knew, John, I knew it’s always going to be about Jennifer for him. Jennifer and his super-duper special memories of her. And maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad if it was just about me but it’s not anymore – it’s me and –“ She broke off and in that moment, John understood. She had always been high-strung but she had been acting downright insane since she had turned up at the train station.  
  
“You’re pregnant.”  
  
Shannon nodded. “Yeah. But I don’t want anyone else to know, especially Riley. Cause I will die first before I let him stay in our lives out of obligation!”  
  
“Don’t say that, okay? You have to tell Riley. Even if it doesn’t work out with you two, I believe he will be a good father to your child. I really believe it.”  
  
“Whatever,” Shannon griped. “Don’t you have to be going somewhere?”  
  
“Yeah, work. Make yourself at home,” he said and then gave her a quick hug before hurrying out the door.  
  
Shannon lay back down on the sofa and held her still flat belly, willing herself not to keep crying over a man who simply did not want to be a part of her and her baby’s lives.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Riley drove all over Llanview trying to find what he was looking for. It was not yet nine a.m. so most of the shops in town were still closed. The flowers had been a lame gesture; he knew that now – not that he had actually gotten the chance to give them to her. He would have to try another way to get through to her. He wanted her in his life and he wasn’t going to walk away from her ever again. He would put the past just where it belonged – in his rearview mirror.  
  
He found a second hand shop that was open. A man with thick black dreads led him right over to their scanty musical instrument section and he found an acoustic guitar that badly needed tuning but would have to do in a pinch. He shelled out twice what it was worth and then headed for his car. That’s when he noticed that he was just a block away from the cemetery. If he was really going to make peace with the past, he needed to say goodbye the way he never really got to before.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
He found her gravestone easily, almost as if he had walked it every day of his life when in reality he had only visited it once on the day she was laid to rest. He took a seat on a stone bench across from it and tapped his foot nervously as he thought what he should say.  
  
“It’s weird you know, Jen, talking to you from down here when you’re up –“ he waved his arm around – “there, somewhere, I guess. I just hope you’re listening because I have to tell you a few things, okay? I guess I should say that a day hasn’t gone by since you died that I haven’t blamed myself for what my father did. A day hasn’t gotten by when I don’t feel bad for doubting your innocence in Paul Cramer’s murder. If I just would have listened to you … Then you wouldn’t be here. And I might not ever get over that feeling but I have to, Jen. You see – I met someone who means the world to me. You actually know her. Knew her, anyway. Shannon McBain? Yeah that wild, crazy brunette we used to get into arguments with all the time … Well, it turns out that she isn’t so bad after all. Not even close. And though we always said she was a heartless you-know-what, it’s not true. And I’ve hurt her so bad, hurt her really good heart, by holding onto your memory the way I have. I know now that you and me weren’t meant to be but it took some time. Shannon is my soulmate and I guess yours was Rex. He made you light up the way no one else did. I will always love you but I have to move on so silly as this sounds, I have to know it’s okay with you that I stop living in the past, that I stop grieving over you so I can be what Shan needs. Because God, Jennifer, I love her. I love that crazy woman so much.”  
  
He wiped his teary face. “Just a little sign, huh, Jen? A sign to say I am definitely doing the right thing by walking away from our memories?”  
  
He waited for something, anything to happen, but nothing did. Finally he realized the truth – the only way he was ever going to be able to move on was if he consciously accepted the fact that he couldn’t change the past and started living in the future. And Shannon McBain was definitely his future.  
  
A sense of relief washed over him then and he smiled a bit as he took off running for his car. It was time to win back the woman he was meant to be with all along.


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8**  
  
Shannon was lying on the sofa feeling sick and miserable as tears ran down her face. She had never been one to cry this much; it had to be the hormones. She felt so sad. Yes, it had to be the hormones. She couldn’t fathom that Riley had so much power over her that he could hurt her this much...  
  
She eventually fell asleep, into a very deep slumber where she dreamt that she had had the baby and that she and Riley were blissfully happy and had a total white picket fence life …  
  
She was awakened sometime later by the distinctive tone of Riley’s voice. She looked around; feeling slightly disoriented and realized he was back and that he singing. He was … _Ohmigod, was he trying to serenade her? Well it wasn’t going to work!_ She didn’t care if his voice had always sent pleasurable tremors throughout her body and that it sounded so good to her ears … She was not going to forgive him for choosing a dead woman over her!  
  
“IT’S NOT WORKING, COLSON!” she called through the door loudly but he just kept playing. Every song he had written and then some. He had such a soulful voice… Wait; was she about to forgive him?!  
  
He then started playing one of her favorite songs that he had supposedly written just for her called simply, “That Girl”. She remembered how excited she had been when he played it for her for the first time. In fact, she had rewarded him with sex all night long for that one …  
  
She still sat there unmoving as he moved on to play other songs – ones by famous people like Elvis, Willie Nelson, Sound Garden … There were so many. But she was determined to remain unmoved, oh yes, she was.  
  
He then started playing and singing to Backstreet Boys’ “Shape of My Heart” and she sighed. He was _so_ not playing fair now…  
  
_Hmm, yeah, yeah_  
 _Baby, please try to forgive me_  
 _Stay here don't put out the glow_  
 _Hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker_  
 _You can save me from the man that I've become, oh yeah_  
  
_Lookin' back on the things I've done_  
 _I was tryin' to be someone_  
 _I played my part, kept you in the dark_  
 _Now let me show you the shape of my heart_  
  
_Sadness is beautiful loneliness that's tragical_  
 _So help me I can't win this war, oh no_  
 _Touch me now don't bother if every second it makes me weaker_  
 _You can save me from the man I've become_  
  
_Lookin' back on the things I've done_  
 _I was tryin' to be someone_  
 _I played my part, kept you in the dark_  
 _Now let me show you the shape of my heart_  
  
_I'm here with my confession_  
 _Got nothing to hide no more_  
 _I don't know where to start_  
 _But to show you the shape of my heart_  
  
Damn him, she thought as she felt herself standing up and moving towards the door, as if drawn by an invisible force. She slowly put her hand on the doorknob and gave it a twist. She peeked out to see him sitting in the hallway playing an old acoustic guitar as he sang.  
  
“You’re not being fair,” Shannon said, her voice sounding hoarse. “Like seriously. I mean, Back street Boys? You know I have a thing for Kevin..."  
  
Riley looked up at her and smiled as he kept singing.  
  
_I'm lookin' back on things I've done_  
 _I never wanna play the same old part_  
 _I'll keep you in the dark_  
 _Now let me show you the shape of my heart_  
  
_Lookin' back on the things I've done_  
 _I was tryin' to be someone_  
 _I played my part, kept you in the dark_  
 _Now let me show you the shape of my heart_  
  
_Lookin' back on the things I've done_  
 _I was tryin' to be someone_  
 _I played my part, kept you in the dark_  
 _Now let me show you the shape of my heart_  
  
_Show you the shape of my heart_  
  
Shannon felt those familiar velvet-like tremors move through her as he finished the piece. She then found herself moving over to him and dropping down beside him on the floor. He looked at her and went to touch her face but she shook her head. “No, keep playing,” she said. “How about something by N-Sync this time? You know I would totally do Timberlake…”


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9**  
  
Riley sat in the hallway with Shannon for what seemed like hours, just singing and watching her under his long eyelashes. He felt her loosening up with each song he crooned and he hoped to god he could get through to her with his own words once the music stopped. He sang until he was hoarse and his voice came out sounding raspy. Only then did Shannon stop him by holding up a hand. “You can stop. Cause seriously, you are sounding less Dave Matthews now and more like Rod Stewart during The Cancer Years.”  
  
He nodded and set his guitar aside. Slowly he reached for her hand, afraid she was going to pull away but so glad when she didn’t. She just squeezed his hand. “You suck,” she said.  
  
“I know.”  
  
“No, you really, really suck,” she said. “Cause you know I go all weak-kneed when you sing… And it’s not fair. Because I should be really mad at you.”  
  
“You have every right to be,” Riley admitted. “I made you think I didn’t care and I swear, Shannon, that that is not how I really feel. I love you so much. I am sorry the words never came easily, not until you walked out on me, but I do. I do love you so much. You make me crazy –“  
  
“Hey!”  
  
“BUT you also make me feel alive again and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  
  
Riley saw tears pool in her beautiful brown eyes and he knew he had really hurt her badly because Shannon never cried. Not like this. His heart broke for her in that minute. He had been so in love with his own grief that he forgot to show her that she was his whole world.  
  
“I am sorry,” Riley said. “I am so sorry. You deserve all the love I can give you and I swear, Shan, from this moment on, you have it. You never have to doubt me or my feelings ever again.”  
  
“You’re saying all the right things … But what about the big spotted elephant in the room?” She asked. “You still love Jen – or her memory or whatever. I am never going to measure up to that pedestal you put her on.”  
  
Riley shook his head. “Jennifer ... She was my first love, Shannon, so honestly I will always care about her somehow but you ... You’re my true love. I know that sounds corny but it’s so true. When I thought you had left me forever, I panicked. I thought about going to my old dealer and buying some stuff and shooting up so I could forget how badly I screwed up … But I didn’t because I knew you deserve so much better than that. You deserve so much more than I’ve ever given you. You truthfully deserve a much better guy in your life than me but I am selfish cause I can’t walk away. I need you in my life; I want you in my life. I am willing to fight for you, Shannon. I am also ready to leave the past behind.”  
  
Shannon dabbed at her teary eyes with her free hand and then squeezed his hand with her other. She then dropped her head on his shoulder and cried still more. His arms immediately encircled her waist and he lifted her onto his lap, hugging her as tightly as he dared.  
  
“I am so sorry I hurt you, baby. But I swear I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. From now on, it will be just the two of us in this relationship -- you and me. I swear.”  
  
Shannon lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “I am sorry, Riley, but it won’t be just the two of us.”  
  
“What?”  
  
She reached out then and took his hands settling them on her flat abdomen. “It will be the three of us,” she said.  
  
He stared at her for a long moment, unable to speak over the lump in his throat. “Shan – are you saying – Ohmigod … You’re pregnant!”  
  
Shannon nodded. “Yeah… Is that going to change things? Are you still going to want me when I’m obese and wearing stretch pants in paisley colors?”  
  
Riley nodded. “I am always going to love you. That’s what I feel like I was born to do.”  
  
She cupped his face with her hands then. “Just tell me one thing … Swear you’re not going to stay out of obligation. If things ever get too hard …”  
  
Riley shook his head and tucked her against his chest. “It’s never been about obligation and it never will be. You are it for me, Shan. You and this baby are my whole world. I know it’s asking a lot after what I’ve done but please believe me when I say that.”  
  
Shannon nodded slowly. “I do believe you but you seriously better never make me doubt you again or else…”  
  
“I promise, Shannon. From now on, it’s just the three of us. You, me, and our baby…"


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10**  
  
 ** _Eight months later …_**  
  
“I HATE YOU, RILEY COLSON!” Shannon bellowed. “You did this to me!”  
  
Riley cringed as another contraction ripped through Shannon. He felt her squeeze his hand in a death grip. In fact, he was half-sure that she had broken through bones in his palm. Still, he kissed her forehead. He hated seeing her in so much pain.  
  
“Don’t touch me,” Shannon grumbled. “You got me into this mess.”  
  
“Shannon, you are ten centimeters. This baby is definitely coming now,” the doctor said and Shannon groaned as tears ran down her face.  
  
“I am tired. I don’t think I can do this …”  
  
“You can,” Riley said. “Just keep squeezing my hand and remember that when it’s all over, we are going to have a beautiful baby to show for it.”  
  
“Easy … for … you … to … say,” she hissed out through another violent contraction. Riley’s hand nearly severed from his wrist that time for sure.  
  
“Okay on the count of three, Shannon, I want you to push,” the doctor said. “1…2…3 … PUSH.”  
  
Shannon whimpered and began to push. Riley felt terrible for her as a scream wrenched from her lips. “You’re doing great, baby,” he said.  
  
“Shannon, I can see the baby crowning,” the doctor said. “Give me two more solid pushes and your son will be here.”  
  
“I don’t think I can!” she cried. “It hurts, it’s so much.”  
  
The doctor shook her head at Shannon and Riley quickly cupped Shannon’s face in either of his hands. “You can do this, okay, Shan? You are the strongest, most amazing woman I have ever known and you can do this. I believe in you so much.”  
  
Shannon nodded and Riley wiped away her tears as the doctor asked her to push again. She bore down and after two more solid pushes, a loud cry split through the room. Riley started tearing up himself when he saw his son, all red and wrinkly and more beautiful than any child had a right to be. “Shan, you did it,” he said and kissed her forehead.  
  
“I did, didn’t I?”  
  
“Yes, you did amazing.”  
  
The doctor looked at Riley. “Do us the honors?” She asked.  
  
Riley nodded. “Yeah, of course.” He carefully cut the umbilical cord and then put down the shears as a nurse passed him his son all swaddled in a blue blanket.  
  
He looked down at his son and beamed. “Hey, sport, you’re here,” he said and then moved over to Shannon. “Want to hold him?”  
  
Shannon nodded. “Well duh, Riley,” she said but her tone was playful. She was tired but immediately held out her arms for the little boy. “Oh god, Riley, he has your eyes. But he has my chin. I am so glad he didn’t get your chin…”  
  
Riley laughed. “Yeah me too.” He leaned over and kissed Shannon’s forehead and then the little boy’s. The infant looked up at Shannon and she touched his nose softly, beaming at him. Riley wondered how he could have been so stupid to almost give all of this up…  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Sometime later, Baby Boy Colson had been cleaned and weighed and nursed and was now asleep in his mother’s arms. “I am going to have to get used to that,” Shannon said as she rubbed her breast a little. “God, he doesn’t even have teeth yet …”  
  
Riley smiled. “We’ve got baby bottles too.”  
  
“Yeah but that nurse insisted I try the ‘natural approach’. There was nothing natural feeling about it,” Shannon said. “But I will do whatever’s best for our son… Can you believe that, Riley? Our son. We have a kid! Us -- two highly messed up people made something so beautiful and perfect!”  
  
Riley laughed and took his hand and stroked her face. “I don’t think you’re messed up. You’re wonderful.”  
  
Shannon smirked. “Good answer but I’m not an angel.”  
  
“I never wanted an angel, Shannon. I just wanted you, the way you are and I still do.”  
  
Shannon sought out his lips and kissed him lightly before looking back at their son. “What are we going to call him?” she asked.  
  
“Lemme grab the baby name book,” Riley said and dug into her overnight bag. They had discussed names so many times but nothing had ever felt quite right. They believed they would know once they saw their son.  
  
Riley thumbed through the pages. “Branson?”  
  
“Ick.”  
  
He turned some more pages. “Daniel… Never mind….” He flipped page after page, back and forth, until he saw one he liked. “What about Blake?”  
  
“Blake Colson?”  
  
 _“Simon_ Blake Colson,” Riley said. “I just saw the meaning. Simon means ‘to be heard’. And considering his powerful lungs …”  
  
“Maybe he will grow up to be a singer like his dad,” Shannon mused. She looked at the baby who’s eyes were just opening. “How do you like that name – Simon Blake Colson?”  
  
The baby blinked and Shannon grinned. “I think he likes it and so do I.”  
  
“Me too,” Riley said and reached out and lightly touched the baby’s pink arm. “Welcome to the world, Simon Blake Colson.”  
  
Shannon smiled. “Yes, welcome to the crazy world, baby boy. It’s a real acid trip sometimes but the three of us are going to stick it out together. We’ll make it somehow…”  
  
 **THE END**


End file.
